This Place Has Gone to the DOGS

Excuse my absence. To make up for it, I have kept a scathingly long list of topics I'll be pouring over this week. But let me start with one of the most obvious "Only in New York" topics - that of all the freakin' DOGS! So, in Sydney (which I think is pretty representative of the real world), people have dogs or cats or turtles or no pets at all. The ones that have dogs usually have small ones if they live in an apartment and maybe bigger ones if they live in a house. They walk them and play fetch and clean up their poos (well, usually). They do these things at the dog park or occasionally the beach if it's late at night and there is no sign of lifeguards or council workers. They feed their dogs dog food. They take them to get a wash before the relos visit. They buy them bones from the butcher. Here is what they do NOT do, which has made us pause and wonder if we somehow ended up in Paris by mistake:

1. Let them poo and pee in the middle of busy sidewalks, forcing people to catapult over rivers of smelly liquid, while praying that the wet smudge they just landed on is a dropped chocolate ice cream cone.

2. Buy them matching designer "pucci" dresses, then glare at anyone who thinks it's funny.

3. Regularly visit places like the New York Dog Spa & Hotel - where owner and pup can arrange for a Saturday night red carpet, champagne party for just them and their closest canine friends.

4. Pay for weekly dog massages. Humans extra.

5. Keep Great Danes in their one bedroom walk-ups. Yes, our landlord actually has two of these residing in his abode. Needless to say, rent is always paid on time.

6. Expect that your rat sized pup, carried lovingly in a bright pink Chanel handbag, should be admitted anywhere you choose to go. Then throw a hissy fit like a yappy little bitch when the restraunteur mentions health code violations.

7. Buy treats from buttercupspaw.com - where doggies have loads of decorated "pawstries" to choose from. While my fav is the polka dotted bone shaped pawstrie, the more athletic dog may prefer the soccer ball designs. However, if you have a little diva in your life, who can resist the tulips?

In the streets of Sydney little old ladies coo and baby talk any tot they lay eyes on. In New York the same reverence is saved for the dogs, while small humans are merely tolerated (or sneered at if they get in their poodle's way). This place has really gone to the dogs....